Final week, I flew to Massachusetts to go to my 94-year grandmother within the hospital.
Let me let you know about this wonderful girl.
Barbara, Auntie B, or Gramma to us grandkids, was born in 1930 to first-generation Newfoundlanders.
(No surprise I really like the music of Alan Doyle (and Great Big Sea), it’s in my DNA!)
Gramma was a preschool trainer for 22 years and has been an lively member in her group for her complete life. She was a heck of a quilter and helped launch a number of quilting initiatives over time. She volunteered on the Council on Growing older. She typically drove for Meals on Wheels too, “delivering meals to the previous folks” (as she known as it), which she did effectively into her 80s!
Throughout previous visits to Massachusetts, I might swing by Gramma’s for a day, habitually checking my telephone, typically distracted with some unimportant work thought that occupied my mind. I feel having recognized her my complete life, I simply had this thought “Gramma has at all times been right here, and Gramma will at all times be right here.”
Luckily, I stumbled upon an historic Japanese idea that helped me acknowledge and course appropriate this sample. It allowed all of my current visits with Gramma to be decidedly completely different.
Ichi-go Ichi-e 一期一会
There’s an idea relationship again to Japanese tea ceremonies within the 1600s known as ichi-go ichi-e:
This interprets to: “one time, one assembly.”
It’s a reminder for us to treasure and embrace every unrepeatable second in time. Irrespective of how typically we do one thing or see anyone, it’s the solely time that it’s going to really occur this fashion, in this second.
This idea can remind us to be extra current.
- As a substitute of checking our telephones, we are able to concentrate on the particular person or process in entrance of us.
- As a substitute of worrying about tomorrow or zoning out, we may be right here now.
- As a substitute of going by way of the motions, we could be a bit extra deliberate with our habits.
I’ve mirrored lots on Japanese Zen philosophy over the previous few years (see my essay about Wabi-Sabi), and this idea of ichi-go ichi-e has caught with me too.
Which brings me to my journeys to go to Gramma this summer season.
I ended worrying concerning the future or ruminating on the previous, put my telephone down, and simply sat together with her.
I handled every go to as if it was the solely time that I might get to have that interplay.
I requested her questions on her childhood. I realized that she spent just a few summers dwelling in a tent with no operating water or electrical energy, whereas her father constructed their residence together with his personal two fingers. And the way a lot she beloved it.
She instructed me about her teenage years, together with the time she snuck out of the home and received caught, and needed to sit on the foot of her dad and mom mattress till the solar got here up.
I realized extra about my grandfather. She even shared images of her wedding ceremony that I had by no means seen earlier than:
She additionally discovered some images of me and her from manner again within the day!
This one was my favourite:
I returned to Nashville final month, uncertain when (or if) I’d get to see her once more.
It nonetheless felt completely different. I had related with Gramma extra deeply in just a few visits than I in all probability had up to now 10 years mixed.
Which brings me to this previous week on the hospital.
Gramma’s Group
Final week, my brother and I drove as much as go to Gramma within the hospital every day.
And every day, a revolving door of friends would present as much as verify on her:
Her nieces and nephews. My uncle and father. My sister and mom (who simply had surgical procedure!). Her grandkids. The son of her finest pal. Her pal Anne. Associates from the Council of Growing older. Fellow quilters. Individuals from her church.
At one level, there have been 10 of us visiting on the similar time, and it changed into an absolute social gathering.
I used to be in awe of this girl and what number of lives she has impacted.
If there’s a transparent signal of a life effectively lived, it’s being surrounded by individuals who love you. Gramma has been selfless for a lot of her life, and I used to be amazed and impressed at how many individuals dropped the whole lot to come back and spend time together with her, swapping tales and conserving her firm.
Regardless of the circumstances, she nonetheless has an awesome humorousness too:
The primary time she opened her eyes and noticed me, she smiled and mentioned, “I remembered one other story!” She then instructed me concerning the time she “borrowed” a automotive, regardless that she didn’t have a license but, to drive by way of the streets of Boston to trace down her boyfriend.
Whereas speaking on the telephone together with her 94 12 months previous brother in legislation, she requested “how are ya, you previous geezer?”
When the physician requested “are you feeling higher at the moment?” she replied “higher than WHAT!”
Spending time with Gramma and all the folks from completely different elements of her life felt like the absolute best use of my time. I’m in love with the group she has round her, and I’m continually moved to tears by the love that so many individuals have for her.
This level was pushed additional residence by my Gramma’s hospital “neighbor”…
Stay Intentionally
The hospital wherein my Gramma is staying is true subsequent to Walden Pond, the very pond made well-known by Henry David Thoreau in his ebook Walden.
In the future, after visiting Gramma, I took a quiet stroll round its perimeter, watching the sunshine of the setting solar dancing by way of the bushes.
(The Japanese have a phrase for this too, it’s known as “komorebi”.)
I then learn the signal with Thoreau’s most well-known reflection:
“I went to the woods as a result of I needed to dwell intentionally, to entrance solely the important details of life, and see if I couldn’t study what it needed to train, and never, once I got here to die, uncover that I had not lived.”
Thoreau retreated to solitude to find what was most necessary to him.
Gramma went the opposite route, prioritizing what’s most necessary to her: household, associates, and group.
Two completely different eventualities, the identical finish outcome:
Selecting to dwell intentionally.
I don’t have plans on shifting into the woods and dwelling merely, however I do assume I’ve finished my finest to dwell extra intentionally these previous few years.
Particularly, re-prioritizing what’s most necessary to me too: associates, household, and group.
All We have now to Determine…
Just a few years in the past, Gramma offered my brother, sister, and I with three of her favourite handmade quilts.
“I used to be going to have these given to you grandkids after I handed away, however I wish to give them to you now in order that we are able to take pleasure in this second collectively.”
She took the time to clarify the that means behind every quilt and why they had been chosen for every of us. I’m so grateful she did this, relatively than ready to listen to about these stunning quilts after she handed.
Once I visited Gramma this summer season, I found that she had printed my essay about my grandfather, her husband, who had passed away. I hoped I made Grampy proud, however I noticed I by no means received to inform him simply how a lot I realized from him earlier than he died.
For that cause, I’m scripting this essay now to verify she is aware of simply how a lot she taught me. I’m so happy with my Gramma and I’m appreciative for having the chance to study from her for 40 years (and counting!).
(I received a textual content from my father yesterday letting me know that he learn this draft to her within the hospital and he or she beloved it. Mission achieved!)
I definitely hope Gramma will get higher and is ready to get again residence. In spite of everything, she instructed her pal Laurie “I’m not finished but!”
However I additionally know that this isn’t as much as us to determine.
As Gandalf tells Frodo in The Fellowship of the Ring:
“All we now have to determine is what to do with the time that’s given us.”
I hope my Gramma and Thoreau can encourage you to dwell extra intentionally:
- When you’re prepared to place your telephone down and be current with the folks in entrance of you, life can really feel a lot extra wealthy.
- When you’re prepared to prioritize what’s truly necessary as an alternative of the stuff that tries to steal your consideration, you’ll by no means go fallacious with the alternatives you make.
- If you’ll find a technique to concentrate on the necessary folks in your life, they’ll nonetheless be part of it while you’re 94.
And eventually bear in mind, it doesn’t matter what you do at the moment, that is the one time this second will occur.
Act accordingly.
-Steve
PS: In order for you a thought-provoking movie about being current and Ichi-Go Ichi-E, I extremely suggest Wim Wenders’s Perfect Days.
